𝑜𝓅𝑒𝓃

[callmedeath]

Comments

[furred]

[ So, this is new for her. At least he won't be the only one fumbling around.

Matthias prides himself on his work ethic, on his ability to see his duty through and to do so with the most honour. But this? This isn't as simple as capturing Grisha. While he takes a piece of himself to every mission handed to him by Brum, this requires all of him. (This, at least, he won't look back on with shame.)

And Matthias Helvar doesn't do anything half-assed. Paddling and pushing a heavy piece of wood in thick furs should prove that. ]

We are a team.

[ She keeps his heart working. He kicks. They've proven how good they are together, even before he knew her name.

Still with a serious expression, he teases, ] You know, in Fjerda, the wife is expected to hold her husband's hand wherever they go or else he risks becoming lost.

[callmedeath]

[ Nina's beaming smile is practically incandescent. Hearing say it in return warms her once cold heart. They've been a wonderful team since the beginning, even before they've become what they are now. She knows that whatever they do next, it's going to be spectacular. There's a whole new world ahead of them to explore. She's seen a lot of it, but she knows he hasn't. Not with his strict druskelle training.

She wants to show it all to him. She wants him to experience all the good things that the world has to offer. She wants to see it through his eyes.

She doesn't expect his joke. His expression doesn't change. Matthias is very good at keeping a straight face when she isn't being scandalous. His teasing earns him bright giggles, so much so that she brings her hand to her mouth to the and muffle them from being too loud. ]

So Fjerdan woman do have some sense! Honestly, I'm relieved. Don't you worry, darling. I'll be sure to keep hold of that large wolf paw of yours!

[furred]

Your paws are very tiny.

[ But he suspects that he'll be able to hold his hand, anyway. It's strange to think there had been a time when the thought of holding her hand repulsed him. Now… it's all he wants to do.

She's done something to his insides, and he's concluded it's not because of her power.

He leans across the table, feeling an impulsive burst of playfulness. ]

It's a Fjerdan secret, Nina. You can't go around telling everyone, then everyone will be holding hands and it'll lose all meaning.

[ It's only meant for one Fjerdan. Him. And Matthias Helvar can be quite possessive. ]

[callmedeath]

[ Oh, she loves this playfulness about him. It softens him. His stern Fjerdan features are infused with joy. She wants to make him look like this always. When he leans over, she meets him. Her tiny paw extends out to him, palm up, and she wiggles her fingers at him in invitation. ]

Your secret is safe with me, min älskling.

[ The Fjerdan rolls of her tongue just as easily as Ravkan. She's got no care for the remaining waffle which says a lot of her affection for him. A sly smile tugs at her lips. ]

Perhaps we should get started now, husband.

[furred]

[ His heart flutters at that. Husband. He's never been a husband before, and never thought he would be. His life had ended when his village burned. All he had was the drüskelle. That was before Nina. Now he gets to be something—someone—more.

He smiles before he nods toward her plate. ]

Are you sure you don't want to finish your waffle, min fru?

[ Matthias figures if he's to be her husband, he's to ensure that she doesn't make any rash decisions, especially when it comes to her beloved food. ]

[callmedeath]

[ Without missing a beat, Nina picks up the waffle with her other hand. Her extended hand is still awaiting his paw to take it. She takes her job get seriously. She's going to keep hold on his Fjerdan hand, so that he may never be lost. ]

Who says I can't do both? Where shall we go then? Leaving the city might be the best idea. We can go to the harbor and see what boats are going where then choose from there.

[ It's a spontaneous way of deciding where to go. She wonders if it makes him itch in all his Fjerdan conservatism to just fly by the seat of his hands. ]

[furred]

[ It does make him itch. Matthias likes plans. He likes knowing where he's going, what he's going to do there, and how long he's meant to stay. It's part Fjerdan customs, part drüskelle rules, part him.

Placing his hand in hers, he's gentle when he grips it. She's asking him to take a leap of faith, something that he's still not entirely confident in. What if he loses his footing and they go slipping into the icy waters again? Or she ends up injured or captured and taken away from him? What if he's discovered by his drüskelle brothers?

Matthias prefers plans. They keep things in order, people safe, and expectations clear. But everything to do with Nina has been an explosion of spontaneity.

He smiles softly at her as he considers her words. Everything in him wants a plan, but Matthias knows that's a luxury that perhaps they don't want. ]

We could go to Novyi Zem. There are no wolves there, but I have heard there are dogs. We could pretend to be farmers.

[ Where the weather is neither warm or cold. It won't favour him or her like Fjerda or Ravka would. ]

[callmedeath]

It's beautiful there. I think you'll like it.

[ The Zemeni people are more understanding. There's a tranquility there that she envies. She hopes that perhaps the two of them might find some of that for themselves. She and Matthias both have seen so much death and suffering. They derserve a nice change of pace.

His hand is so much bigger than hers. He wears the calluses of training and labor while hers are soft. Despite his size and strength, his wolf paw holds her gently. Like she's a bird in his palm that he doesn't want to crush.

She stands up and feeds him some of her waffle. She's already paid for their meal. ]

I think you'd make a fine farmer. I'd be happy to watch you work a field and chop some wood. Preferably with your shirt off.

[furred]

[ When she stands, he quickly glances around, hoping that her movement hasn't drawn unwanted attention. Not that he'd know, anyway; Ravka has been an idea to him for so long, one that harbours those he had sworn to stop. Everyone around them could be unwanted attention.

Now… It seems like he's busy being fed by that nation.

Flushing, he peers up at her for once. He thinks to press his lips together to prove difficult, but maybe he has his whole life to do that. He ensures to take a big bite of the waffle considering she's offering him something so precious to her. ]

I'd wear several shirts. It isn't proper to wear none.

[ The drüskelle won't kill Matthias. Him being a stubborn dumbass baking in the sun wearing several layers will.

With a playful purse to his lips, he shrugs. ] Long sleeves, right up to the neck.

[callmedeath]

[ Nina nods happily, pleased that he took a bite. She'll have to take him up on adding pork to it. She has a feeling it will be utterly divine. She gives his hand a tug as they stroll out of the inn. They don't have much to their name. That's fine. They'll build up what they need over time. It'll be easier to travel light this way. She never once legs go of his hand.

The thought of him wearing a shirt, layers of shirts even, while doing farm work draws an exaggerated pout out of her. She looks up at him, completely put out. ]

Ruin myfun, why don't you?

[furred]

[ He laughs loudly, scrunching up his face. It's not like the roar of laughter that had emerged from him at the whale huts, which has been laced with some incredulity. This is Matthias' laugh.

Gripping her hand, he peers down at her. ]

I will wear nothing but pants for you, Nina.

[ Even in the cold, although he suspects he'd have her to help warm him up.

With pink blossoming at the tops of his cheeks, he glances around the street. It's a little too obvious he's practically a tourist, so Matthias tries not to look so out of place despite being blonde and big and very much the Fjerdan stereotype. ]

We should rest. We can go tomorrow.

[ Although, if she wants to board a ship now, he's more than happy to do so. But there's the issue of money and possessions and everything that they aren't carrying on their backs at this very moment. ]

[callmedeath]

[ Nina wants to agree with him. She wants to hide away in another private room where they can spend hours exploring one another to their heart's content. It would have been something she'd suggested as well, but she knows she cannot.

Not with Fedyor and the other Second Army here. They've been avoiding them so far. She doesn't want them to catch them off guard because she's let her guard down. The faster they got out of here, the better. She simply continues to lead him to the harbor with an apologetic shake of her head. ]

It's no longer safe here for us.

[furred]

[ Us when it should be you. He can't help his soft sigh. Nothing can be simple. It feels unfair. Nina deserves to rejoice being back home, especially amongst her people and friends. But Matthias can't be a part of that.

Somewhere during the shipwreck and the whale huts and their snow-covered journey, she's started to mean something to him. He'd claim it's the frostbite talking, but he's never felt this warm in his life.

He squeezes her hand. ]

Maybe it's best you speak. [ Best to have a plan in place, at least. Matthias would prefer it. He expects Nina might, too. ] I can't hide how I talk.

[ How Fjerdan he sounds. If her friends are truly her friends, they'll know she had been taken by drüskelle. The math is easy to pull together. ]

[callmedeath]

[ She hears the sigh. She sees the guilt he's carrying on his shoulder. Nina tugs him into an alley to get away from the hustle and bustle of the street. She wants to talk to him without worrying that the Second Army might have eyes on them. She hasn't let go of his hand. She looks up at him seriously. ]

You listen to me, and you listen to me good, min make. I have no regrets. None. I choose you, and I choose this.

[ She wants him to fully absorb what she's saying because she means it. Nina knows what she's walking away from. ]

And when we get in that boat, our life together starts and I think nothing sounds more beautiful than that.

[furred]

[ Peering over her head, he drops his gaze to hers. Perhaps he'll come to terms with her accepting her choice and the consequences of that choice while out at sea. Or maybe it'll take him a lot longer than that to finally realise that she's chosen him, warts and all, leaving everything she knows behind.

Ducking his gaze, he nods. She'll nag him until he's started the process of accepting what she's confessed until he's blue in the face and as flat as a pancake.

He lifts his eyes to hers and nods again. ]

It sounds more beautiful than your snoring.

[ Matthias smiles and brushes his fingers against her jawline. But he agrees. After losing everything, he's gained everything again. He doesn't want to let that go, despite what she might think. ]

But I still think you should speak. If your friends try and find you… [ He lifts a big shoulder. ] They will never leave us alone if they think you are in trouble.

[callmedeath]

I don't snore!

[ Nina rolls her eyes playfully at him. She knows he's doing it to inject some levity. She appreciates it. She leans into his touch and sighs.

She wishes it were that easy. One does not simply leave the Second Army. The duty the Grisha feel to their cause and to General Kirigan is so deep and unmatched. Even if she manages to convince Fedyor and the others that she's fine, the Darkling will never allow her to simply walk away. He suffers no traitors. He'd sooner take her down with the Cut then to allow her to walk away. ]

They'll never leave us alone if they know I've chosen this instead of them. It's better to let them think I'm missing in action somewhere.

[furred]

I don't like it.

[ Her legacy deserves better than to disappear without a trace. Stories should be told about Nina Zenik and her waffle ways… but he supposes that those tales can be saved for him now. They're his.

He smiles down at her before he takes her hand in his, gently wrapping his fingers through hers. ]

We should go. Before you fall asleep and snore so loudly the whole city will know where we are.

[ And she's right—he's trying to inject some levity in a situation that feels so heavy. She deserves it, to have Ravka see her smile one last time. ]

[callmedeath]

I know. You're so good hearted and noble. Of course it will bother you. But I promise you, I'm okay. I have no regrets.

[ As long as she can keep holding his hand, there's no regrets. She smiles when he takes hers again. Their fingers seamlessly fit between one another. She gives a nod of agreement and begins to lead him out of the alley, so they can resume their journey to the harbor.

She gives him a mock indignant look. ]

For the last time, I do not snore! You must be thinking of someone else.

[furred]

[ He shakes his head. ]

I've slept with no one else.

[ Heat bursts across his skin, but Matthias steadfastly looks ahead. If he doesn't react, then she can't see it for the opportunity that it is. But knowing his heart, it's giving him away.

Aside from Trassel and the drüskelle in tight quarters, Nina's the only one he's slept close to. And he knows from the drüskelle what thunderous snores sound like. Nina had made sounds, but nothing close to the noises the drüskelle had. It's still fun to insist she had, though. It distracts her enough to distract him.

Taking in the streets so he can recall their detail in case Nina ever needs to be reminded of them, she shrugs. ]

I know the sound.

[callmedeath]

[ She's quiet at that. It makes sense. Fjerdans are so terribly conservative and devout. It makes sense that they treat sex and intimacy as some kind of holy thing. Likely they put too much pressure on the women to stay pure if they expect them to be the nurturers and caretakers.

She hears the nervous way Matthias' heart beats. She moves to hug his arm as they walk, so that they're pressed close. Her cheek is pressed against him. ]

Are drüskelle allowed to marry? I'm not sure if I know that.

[ She feels the warmth spread in her heart at knowing that she is his first. It makes it even more important to her to treat him with the care he deserves. He's special. So special. She wants to show him that. ]

[furred]

Yes.

[ Although, many of them are married to their mission of ensuring Grisha pay for their crimes. That's something Matthias keeps to himself, the words no longer feeling as smooth as they once did on his tongue. The only crime Grisha is guilty for is living and being different. Otherwise, Nina is like any other woman… who isn't from Fjerda. (A very important distinction.) ]

Commander Brum is married. They would not have let him be in service if it wasn't. But not many do. [ "Commander Brum" feels too respectful now, given everything the man has done. But old habits.

He shrugs. ] Being a drüskelle takes you away from home, and in Fjerda, men are protectors. You cannot protect if you're not there to do so.

[callmedeath]

And Mrs. Brum? [ She's curious. In a way, she wants him to remember the fond memories of his brethren if he can. He doesn't condone what they do and stand for, but it doesn't erase the bonds built there between them. She would not hold it against him. ] If he is her protector and he leaves her for long stretches, how does that work?

[ Her own duty often had her gone for long stretches. Once she'd been old enough and skilled enough, Nina had been sent away across the globe to gather intel and rescue Grisha that had been unjustly and cruelly taken. Home is not a place for her. It's been her people, and now it is Matthias. ]

Does that mean you are my protector now too?

[furred]

They are wealthy. He leaves guards and maids.

[ Even though she's not poking at it deliberately to pull at the threads and show him the gaping hole in Fjerda's logic, he understands it. How could Brum be a man of Fjerda yet leave his wife behind? His family? If his family was alive, Matthias would never leave them. His duty is to them. Protecting them protects his Fjerda.

Through, Brum had once told him that their cause served Fjerda, which, in turn, served everyone.

He smiles, chuckling softly. ] You don't need a protector, Nina. You do it all yourself.

[ Nina's not like the Fjerdan women. She's not like Fjerda at all. Matthias doesn't want to overstep and imply that she needs it when she doesn't. If anyone needs protecting, it seems to be him. ]

But I don't mind sharing the load. Many people need to be protected from your jokes.

[ That's not what being a protector of someone means, but Matthias smiles softly, glancing at her from the corner of his eye. He doesn't expect her to follow the customs of Fjerda, not like he had done so in the whale huts. ]

[callmedeath]

[ Ah, so Fjerda isn't truly holier and better than the rest of the world. It still works like the rest of them. The problem with their sort of flexible beliefs is that people like Matthias would soon realize the inconsistencies. People like Matthias are earnest and noble and truly believe in the goodness of it all, so when it fails, he cannot abide by it. It's a betrayal to his beliefs.

Like when he discovered Grisha are people too. They laugh and love and feel just like the Fjerdans. She grins and bumps her hips against his because he's quite right. She's protected herself well over the years. ]

My jokes are hilarious! You're just too Fjerdan to truly appreciate them yet. [ Nina gives a cheeky wink. They're getting closer to the docks. She can see the sails of a ship. That'll do. ] How about we both protect each other then?

[furred]

[ Amusedly, he mumbles, ] 'Too Fjerdan.'

[ But she's right. He is too Fjerdan, and perhaps he has to get used to the idea of adapting to beliefs more flexible than the ones he had grown up with. If he carves away what strangles him, what's left?

Looking ahead, he glances around, a touch paranoid. They're so close, yet, he worries that it's all part of some nefarious plan. He thinks like a drüskelle too often. They would have done this if they knew a group of Grisha were travelling to the harbour.

But he's not drüskelle. He's Matthias Helvar. ]

I think that sounds like a good plan. [ He smiles down at her and squeezes her hand. It's not completely out of the ordinary. It's become theirs, after all. ] I look high, you look low. We cover all bases naturally.

[ When you cut away the beliefs that strangle him, he thinks he's a comedian. ]